Your Fear is Just Excitement in Disguise.

My mantra for the past few weeks has been this:

Your fear is just excitement in disguise.

I didn’t set out to make it my mantra, but I was repeating it to myself and then I was telling my friend Mike about it, and I used the word ‘mantra’ to describe it.  This phrase suddenly sharpened into focus as my new mantra.

Your fear is just excitement in disguise. 

I have been feeling some anxiousness lately.  I think this is a combination of work and my dad’s health struggles.

This mantra has been surprisingly liberating.

Get excited.  That anxiety is excitement in disguise. 

I say it and instantly, like mind over matter, my fears melt into a smile and I think of the positive. For example: preparing a presentation of my work.  eep.  Your fear is just excitement in disguise. Ya, a presentation of the chapter you’re getting published, good job!

Fears are funny. What am I afraid of? Looks like maybe afraid of my own progress, but that’s just… excitement in disguise.

Excitement time

Women Against Fundamentalism

You are a citizen and your experience and life’s story are valuable. Be brave, make the journey from the personal to the political.

I just finished reading Sukhwant Dhaliwal and Nira Yuval-Davis‘s book, Women Against Fundamentalism. The book details the stories of several women and their work in gender, anti-racism and the struggle against fundamentalist religion through the network Women Against Fundamentalism.   This group was born to unite black and white feminists in bringing about collaborative social change.  “Our main demands inclined the disestablishment of the Church of England, cessation of state funding for all religious schools, and the creation of a truly democratic and secular society based on socialist, feminist, anti- racist and anti- discrimination ideals” (p.60).  Rita Mahendru writes that “WAF provided me with an anti-oppressive, intersectional framework to critically challenge and analyze fundamentalist values. Their views resonated with mine. We could collectively find ways to extend our financial and social support to women and feminists in other parts of the world” (p. 284).

Sheila Jeffries defines fundamentalism as any religion that preaches a separation of genders.  Mary Daly calls this encouraging “sex role socialization” (Daly, Beyond God The Father, p. 3).  I would add that any religion that advocates prohibiting civil rights to any group based on skin colour, gender, sexual orientation or ethnic identity is fundamentalist.  In her PhD dissertation Sukhwant Dhaliwal advocates for public pluralism, and that religions are good and promote healthy communities only when they acknowledge diversity.

I am resonating with Kenyan-Brit book contributor Pragna Patel, and how she was inspired by the character of Stephen Daedalus in James Joyce’s A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man​. Daedalus’ mantra, “I will not submit” steeled her against young arranged marriages (including a trick “vacation” to India) and helped her to follow her dream of working in medicine.  Patel was raised in Kenya after her family was forcefully displaced from India by British colonialism, and she later went to school in England.  In Chapter One Patel writes that her “earliest memories of Kenya resemble photo snapshots. Some are blurred whilst others are vivid, but the memory which haunts me most is of an Indian woman being dragged into the streets and publicly abused by a man, presumably her husband,” while spectators gathered around to watch (p. 54).

Ritu Mahendru describes the term “badmash“, a derogatory word used for women who are bad for challenging male power. She was called this at a young age, and instead of making her feel ashamed, she secretly carried this badge with pride and it helped to form her identity. It reminds me of the negative stigma associated with the word ‘feminist’ in English. Rita went on to complete a PhD.

Ruth Pearson in Chapter Four notes that “some religious institutions can be progressive and we ignore this at our peril,” demonstrating that WAF is not an anti-religious organization, rather it is focused on targeting the fundamentalist ideologies which oppose civil rights (p. 111).

These are just a few bits that stuck out for me in passing.

It is a great academic read, with the added bonus of being incredibly positive and inspiring. The takeaway message for me is that even as women and/or POC facing a variety of systemically oppressive challenges, these women fought and succeeded: Never give up on your dreams.

Women Against Fundamentalism

Sacred Fantasies

I love to play dress-up, draw unicorns, make homes for fairies in my garden.  I dream about small unexplored worlds beneath the sea and post-apocalyptic landscapes with me in badass survival getup making the most of the end of the world.  These are magical and special parts of my existence.  And they are not dreamed at the expense of others.
When the pope says homosexuality is a sin and Americans pass laws making it okay for a doctor to let a person die if they suspect a patient of this sin, when people call black skin a punishment from God the Father, cut out a girl’s clitoris because it makes her more pleasing for her husband, when people stay married to their abusers, all because of an evil dream of an evil God who wants to build a hateful world, this is not a fantasy that deserves to be indulged.
I love fantasies, don’t get me wrong.  I value –and even live in– my dreams more than my realities sometimes.  Everyone has the right to dream and dream and cherish their fantasies. But not at the expense of others.

Antisemitism on the Rise in Europe: Some Photos

History repeats itself, but I never thought it would happen so soon.

Last year I was working in Belgium during the European Union elections.  While these were barely reported in Canada, election talk was absolutely everywhere in Brussels, the heart and seat of the EU.  The results were disturbing; far-right parties swept the polls.  I watched in horror as on May 25th, 2014 two seats of the European Parliament were democratically won by neo-Nazis in Germany and Greece.  The day before, a gunman armed with a Kalashnikov rifle and handgun killed four people in the Jewish Museum in Brussels.

Jewish Belgian politician Mischaël Modrikamen said “Sadly, however, the actual attack comes as no surprise to us after years of living in an atmosphere of rampant antisemitism that often leads to violence.” Where then, was the reporting of these events in Canada?  None of my colleagues back home were aware of the anti-Semitic climate in Europe.   While I was visiting Sweden in early May 2014, I saw anti-Jewish graffiti outside stores in the city of Uppsala (see photo).


This year has gotten progressively worse.  Since last year’s election, over 10 000 Jews have left France alone.  Parents and their children are saying tearful goodbyes to grandparents who vowed never to be displaced by racism again or are too old to move, but are fearful for the safety of their children.

Last week I returned from a quick work trip to Europe.  I was in Brussels for a mere three days, and I did not have to look hard.  Scribbled in white on buildings as the bus I was on flashed by: swastikas.  (See photo).  My own friends told me that Jews and Muslims are the cause of the recession in Europe.  This is exactly the same rhetoric as Hitler’s Nazi Germany.  At Antwerp train station, there are stars of David with GO HOME written beneath.  Go look for yourself.  I don’t know why these things continue to shock me. We all know that history repeats itself.

N1 N2

On my flight home, I watched the news from a screen at a stopover at the airport in Philadelphia: shooting at a synagogue in Denmark.  Following the Charlie Hebdo shooting at the Jewish supermarket, these are dark times indeed.

I am not really sure what to do with this information and these photos.  I find myself wishing that these things were not, are not, happening, but they are.  What do we, as Canadians, do about this?

70 years after Soviet forces liberated Auschwitz Nazi death camp in January 1945, Ottawa is scheduled to unveil a National Holocaust Monument this year, in 2015. I am afraid that we are all too blissfully unaware of the creeping back of anti-Semitic hatred in Europe.  Unfortunately, it is not only Europe.  Just now, February 26th 2015, Daniel (last name omitted for privacy) walked into his apartment’s parking garage in Montreal to find a large swastika emblazoned in red on his car, along with a death threat note.

During the Second World War, when Jews begged to be let into Canada to flee genocide, our government famously responded that “none is too many” Jews in our country.  What are the steps forward to ensuring that this history of ours does not repeat itself?

wĭl′fəl: Persists in doing as she pleases, habitually disposed to disobedience and opposition. Headstrong, self-willed- not obeying or complying with commands of those in authority. ˈwāwərd/: Given to perverse deviation from what is desired, expected, or required. Swayed or prompted by caprice; unpredictable.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 51 other followers